January – the month that is embraced by some and feared by many. The start of a new year, new beginnings, new adventures and your Facebook feed being swamped with “new year, new me” status’. There seems to be an overwhelming pressure to consider all of our quirks or fallbacks and come up with a vast range of resolutions, listing all of the different ways that we intend to change this year. (which often results in you either running for the hills and leaving your short lived resolutions behind you, or you simply become engolfed in your own little pity party.) Sound familiar? Oh yeh, guilty as charged.
Don’t get me wrong, New Year’s resolutions work for oodles upon oodles of people, and I guess in a way I envy them – their will power and determination to see something through. For me though, the pressure and fear of failing simply becomes overwhelming.
In many ways I would say I’m an all or nothing kinda gal – take healthy eating and fitness for example. Two years ago I followed The Body Coach’s 90 Day SSS plan and was in the best shape that I think that I have ever been in. I was starting to feel happy with what I saw in the mirror and confident in my own skin for the first time in as long as I can remember. However there were moments, as always, where my mind was my own worst enemy. I became obsessed with sticking to the plan and would beat myself up if I ever treated myself or fell off the wagon for a day or two. Fast forward to where I am now – I have recently got back into the gym but my confidence has hit an all time low. (completely self inflicted may I add) I was stuck in a ‘nothing’ patch and for some reason I couldn’t get back into the swing of eating well and exercising regularly for the life of me. My will power had well and truly gone out of the window.
With my will power being AWOL and my life, which can only be described as being absolute bedlam throughout the whole of December, I found myself feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed by life. The thought of writing a blog post, the thought of putting myself out there, on show for anyone and everyone to see made my tummy tie in knots. I started to feel nervous and almost anxious and full of dread before I’d even attempt to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and pretty much doubted any idea or glimmer of inspiration that came my way.
After many stern words with myself and a pep talk or two, I gave in and tapped out – I needed to take a step back and give myself a much needed break, from everything. And so I simply did just that – I clocked off and checked out. For three blissful weeks, with no work, no internal battles and dramas, just three weeks filled with family, friends and festive cheer. Joe and I did our own special (belated) Christmas together for the very first time, (trimmings and all) creating our own little traditions together, which was the perfect end to our Christmas week after spending the Christmas period apart with our clans.
My final week of freedom was spent with my beautiful cousin Jillian in Vegas for New Year’s Eve and in Cabo for five days of frolicking in the sun for her 30th birthday. Now, I could never begin to explain what an amazing week this was – not only because I got to spend quality, but rare (due to the thousands of miles between us) time with Jillian, I also created new friendships with an amazing bunch of girls. (if you’re reading this girls, it’s not a goodbye it’s a see you soon DC crew!) That one week was filled with so many laughs, and memories that I will cherish for a lifetime.
Sadly my Grandad passed away in his sleep the night before I flew to Vegas, and although it was unexpected, I’m thankful that he is at peace. I’m thankful for all of our memories, I’m thankful for getting to see him one last time during my time at home for Christmas. I’m thankful that I got to celebrate Jillian’s 30th birthday with her (on the last day that I saw him, he told me that he loved how close we are – something that I’ll never forget) I’m thankful to have had all of the Minter grandkids together last Christmas. And I’m thankful to have so many people who I love in my life. I am one lucky girl.
As I was sat on the plane from Cabo back to Vegas last week, I looked out of the window and saw the most beautiful sky. And just like that, something just clicked – something inside me shifted and my mind became clear. Out of no where this feeling of determination that must have been bubbling under the surface knocked me off my feet – my will power was back and boy was it determined to show 2017 a thing or two. I realised that it’s okay to take a step back when the going gets tough, it’s okay to not feel on top of the world from time to time. In fact do you know what? It’s normal, it’s healthy.
I truly believe that we should always be looking for ways to grow as human beings – to learn, develop and enhance our knowledge, not only of the world around us, but of ourselves too. This is why I choose to not set myself New Year’s resolutions, as for me I don’t want to pressurise myself to fulfil a dozen promises that I cannot keep. Instead, I have decided to find ways that will set my soul on fire and make my heart skip a beat. Sure, there will be days where I feel like I’m failing – there inevitably will be good days and bad days, but that’s life. Yes I’d like to lose weight, yes I’d like to improve my fitness, yes I’d like to be more organised but realistically, all of these are just tiny pieces that form the bigger picture – my happiness.
In 2017 I don’t want to change, I don’t want to create a new me. I want to change my lifestyle, my outlook on my little life, one baby step at a time. I want to find my feet as person, discover what I want, who I am and find my confidence and self belief that I know has to be in there somewhere! I want to grow, learn and develop – to enhance my knowledge and learn to love myself, just for being me. Now who’s with me?